Have you ever believed in something for practically your whole life to find out that its not true? It hurts...a lot.  I've had a lot on my mind lately and a lot of it is confusing the heck out of me.  I sometimes wish that it all would just all of a sudden make sense, but thats not how things work, at least not for me.  As of right now I feel like I'm lost in a state of confusion with no answers to anything.  I realized on monday I was claiming to be something that I didnt even know about while growing up...it sounds kind of weird but i dont know...

I grew up being catholic, baptized at birth and confirmed at age 16.  I knew once i got to college that I really wasnt a catholic.  I didnt know and follow most of what they believed in, nor did i believe in some stuff that they believed in.  I stopped classifying myself as a catholic last year, and it was hard...really hard.  I still love my home church though, I feel at home there, like its my family.  I've been going there my whole life, and I absolutely love our Father there and I love to worship there, I have never disagreed with anything that is done during our Mass there.  But anyways, I realized that I wasnt a real Catholic and that I don't really like any other catholic church that I've been to.  Well, I knew that I didnt believe in some stuff in the catholic church, but i recently just found out more that really bothered me...I guess some catholic churches skim over some stuff...some very important stuff, and that including my home church.  In a way I feel nieve for never knowing before, but when your sunday school class your whole life never really taught you about everything that catholics believe and you never did a thorough search into it(which i should of, but never did) its hard to know everything.  Thats one of my main problems with Catholicism is that they do a horrible job at educating people...i had never heard of grace or salvation till i came to college...i didnt ever read the Bible, they never really emphasized the importance of that nor did i understand a lot of other things...

Well now here i am, confused at where i belong...I dont know what church i should be a part of...I'm currently attending 2 churches, morning service of one and night of the other and I'm still loving my catholic church back home...I dont consider myself Catholic, but I dont know what I do consider myself, I'm not Baptist, nor am I methodist (i'm currently attending the Bridge and they are a free methodist church) I just dont know...I just want to be a Christian, I dont want a classification or anything, but can I do that?...don't get me wrong or anything, i'm not questioning anything to do with my faith, I do know what I believe in now and I'm loving my search to learn more, but I'm confused on where I belong and where God wants me to be at right now...I know that I will understand sometime, but right now i dont know...Theres a lot left for me to learn, especially about the church, but I'm willing to learn and I have such a thirst right now to know more...There is a lot of wonderful stuff going on in my life that the Lord is providing stuff that I give Him so much praise for, but there is stuff that I just don’t understand and I want to, but I know that somethings I’m not suppose to understand yet…

besides all this I've had the craziest past 2 weeks of my life...but on a side not, I just got paid for writing my big paper that is due tomorrow.  I was at work about ready to go to the library to write my paper when it dawned at me i should write it at work and get some extra hours in...it sounds like I'm doing something wrong, but i'm not b/c they tell us to do our homework at work, so it was completely legal and my boss even helped with it a little! So i just got paid for 4 hours of writing my paper and answering the phone, which only rang twice...I love my job!

welp, enough rambling for me tonight...Good Bless~Jenny~

wow, what a crazy week, actually crazy semester is more true...I am so glad that it is finally break! Words cannot express how busy/stressed out I've been. But things have been really good lately, so i have no room to even attempt to complain about stress.  Yea, theres been a lot going on that I have to do, but everythings been working out so well, the Lord has definitely been providing for me lately.  It seems like He's been blessing me in so many ways, especially when i do get stressed out or when i feel like i'm overwhelmed. 

 In most recent news, i got the internship that i wanted at Avatar Studios in St. Louis yesterday!!  I'm sooo excited about that!!!  They're a production studio that makes commercials and other video funness like that, which is what i love!!! They gave me a tour of it all yesterday and it's so awesome there!! Yay!! I'm excited!! The only thing is, if i think i'm busy now, next semesters going to be even crazier...I need 250 hours at the internship plus i'm signed up for 16 credit hours right now, but i'm pretty sure i'm dropping my spanish class, but i'd still have 12 hrs and the internship and hopefully i'll have time to still work too b/c i'll still need money... 

...pure randomness, but i'm pretty excited b/c i think i have finally mastered the art of not having to look at the keyboard all the time whilst typing anymore (i just did it for most of this post :) ), which is big news for me b/c i've always been a big fan of punching the keys one at a time whilst searching for the right letter...yea, i know i'm a big nerd... but this now saves me a lot of time while typing... 

hasta luego...jenny

Estoy muy contento!! :)

I'm sooo excited, I got a car yesterday (my first OWN car!! )  Its a 2002 silver Ford Focus.  Me and diana have always shared a car and we were never allowed to have it here at school till this year (i know, kind of crazy for it to be sitting in chatham for the past three years, but whatev, my parents are silly...) and its kind of hard to share a car with Diana since we dont live together or even by each other (we're both in cougar, but shes on the 400 side and i'm on the 500) and seeing how she has night class 3 nights a week and now i have practice every night, its kind of crazy to share it...In conclusion, everything will be better now that i have my own car and we dont have to worry about splitting gas money, which was always pretty difficult to figure out how much we each owed...I wont have it till next week though b/c my dad found it in Springfield and he can't get it to me till sometime next week and apparently it needs new tires, but i will have it very soon and thats all that matters!!

Currently Listening The Pirates of Penzance The Modern Major General see related

I have to read the Modern Major General in 30 seconds or less with clear articulation for my theatre class tomorrow, and no matter how fast i speak (while making sure i articulate) i can not get it to exactly 30, i'm always at 32ish...You all should try it, its pretty much impossible to get less than 30(while articulating...),either that or i just speak extra slow...

I am the very pattern of a modern Major-General:
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral;
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical,
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical;
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical;
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot of news-
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse;
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
I quote in elegaics all the crimes of Heliogabalus; 

In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

Update...I've gotten it to 28 sec...but my head hurts from not breathing enough...